bubble.pop.kiss

Thursday 13 July 201705:52

■ die

am I being difficult?

you dont even know what you want.

i know i want you

but do you want me?

i cried and laugh at the same time

i really think i am going crazy

does anyone want me?

i feel like i can understand people who kill themselves.

for such thing.

i wish i can die sooner so its easier

for you.

for everyone.

Friday 16 June 201707:48

■ Doll

Priority shifted

Being ignored

After you feel deeply connected to each other,

When you needed the most attention,

Feels like a betrayal.

You're there

Right besides me

But you're not entirely there

With me

At least Your mind are not.

What am I?

Thursday 5 January 201719:29

■ Control

I know it by heart

That you are never mine

I am replaceable

And He could take us anytime.

Thoughts are being dismissed

Conversation are running low

And suddenly talking to strangers seems easier

Or maybe just talking to yourself alone.

What are priorities

When you're abandon

What are sacrifices

When you felt like a burden.

It doesn't make sense then,

but it does now.

It's hard to deal with daily frustration,

But that is life.

I am still here.

Still breathing.

Monday 26 December 201619:17

■ A loop

If your heart choose to linger,

I will endure it

If your heart choose to leave,

I will succumb to it.

I am at the losing end.

While you can float and lands on a new ground.

I would be broken and useless

Feeling defeated and waiting to be found.

Yet again.

Wednesday 29 June 201601:12

■ Love

Heart grew bitter

Love becomes weaker

Swallowing every tiny bits of words

I shall keep inside
Quickly immune to it.

Muted and defenseless.

Slowly I felt nothing.

I only live for God.

What more?

just nothingness.

Love is artificial.
Such small haven.

Friday 4 March 201609:24

■ battle

every now and then.

am lost.

yet again.

mistreated at work,

and some bunch of other stuffs.

the continuous feeling of disappointed at yourself.

endless method or advise to swallow,

but you just can't digest that,

and no-one can help you except for yourself.

someday anti depressant pills might come in handy.

sort of cheat codes in life.

Wednesday 30 December 201519:58

■ 2015

2015 has been challenging and quite bittersweet for me.

Didn't get to further my study, but I got a steady job and I get to travel a lot.

Learned how to play ukulele, and learned Japanese language in depth.

Lost my best-est fam, Mocha but I gained more friends in return.

Had the best-est birthday surprise from all of my friends.

Watched beautiful sunsets from different places.

Read a lot of books and poems.

I realize that I have a strong support system.

I love my family, boyfriend, and friends.

I am so grateful, genuinely happy with my life right now.

Because I know I've achieved a lot this year.

2016 is going to be a lot tougher but I'll embrace everything positively and maturely.

I have lots of traveling plans too! Insyaallah, May everything goes smoothly without any hiccups.

Resolution? Be fit and healthy as always. Being healthy is always the prettiest. :)

Sunday 27 September 201510:24

■ Voice

Monday.

It has been a week since you left me, my boy.

I tried so hard to keep on remembering your voice.

So that I won't forget about you.

I know how it feel.

Being left forgotten.

I hated it, I don't want it happened to you.

Still playing the video of you.

I miss you, Mocha.

Thursday 24 September 201501:59

■ Your mark

So today, I decided to clean up my room. You leave your mark (fur) pretty much everywhere. The rug, bed sheet, my cloths, bags etc. I feel like I don't want to do it at all. But I have to.

Dad bought fried chicken for lunch. I don't know why, I think I just heard you meow-ed to me. You love love love chicken right? You choose chicken over everything. But that also reminded me, the last of your day. You didn't even want any. You want to eat something but you just didn't. I sort of cried, not knowing what do you really want. If only I can understand you.

Wednesday 23 September 201510:07

■ Moving on

So today I have to work. It's so lonely. The house sounds awfully quiet today. We usually had breakfast together about that time, right boy? Or I most probably waking up hearing the sound of your breathing. It's soothing to me, knowing I am not alone. Not anymore.

My boyfriend is so nice though, we Skype-d all night, to make sure I'm not so lonely. I am thankful for that. But still, I felt empty. I started my day with a heavy heart. Looking at your leash and your pictures. Tears still flowing out. I can't lie.

I took out my pant and shirt. And I saw your fur sticking all over it. You love to seat on my fresh folded cloths. But I don't mind. I went outside. Greet you in a slow whisper. My voice are shaking, I have to get used to this, right boy? I miss calling out your name out loud.

Working and still misses you. I can't concentrate with my work. I am having a headache. I saw Mum post out your picture. She misses you too. She went back home early today so she's alone. I guess she just realised the house is just too empty without you.

I decided to go out with my friend. Trying to move on. My friend helped me a bit. But most of the time, I caught myself talking about you. My life, its all about you. Did you know that?

So as I get back later that night. I almost forgot. You're not there anymore. You used to wait me on top of the gate's wall. Like a guardian. And we will enter the house together. I miss you, my boboy.