Wednesday, 23 September 201509:52
■ Hard to let go
The night you passed away. Seeing you in pain. The last breathe. It just hit me. When mum said you're not breathing anymore, I fell down on my knees. I was sobbing like a kid. You went away and took a piece of my heart with you. I can't accept the fact that you're gone. It's like all the memories of you and me flashed in my mind. Mum still holding you. Saying good things.
And we placed you in a box. I held you and kissed you. You know how much I love to kiss you. And then I cried. Mum held me, saying stuff about life and death. That night, I even checked on your body countless of time. Just to make sure.
The day after. Early morning. My dad and I buried your body in the house yard. I choose to bury you in the center of the yard. You love to hang out in that very spot. Your fur is so soft as usual. As if you're still alive. I secretly wish you'd purr while I pat your body. I miss those purr.
I didn't go to work that day. I cried the whole day. Looking through your picture. Playing your video of you, meowing and purring while I rubbed your tummy. I miss those purr. Then I walked around the house. Imagining you sleeping, walking, meowing at all the usual place. I miss you so much boy. I realised mum put all away your stuff. Everything. Your litter box, your sleeping place, your food and drinks container. She said she can't stand seeing it. Probably she got upset seeing your stuff laying around everywhere but you're not there.
I feel a lot more sad, because I have to slowly let you go. Seeing your stuff gone. Is even harder. So I took your last cat leash that I gave you. I was holding it the whole day crying. So many people tried to comfort me, some of them doesn't understand. They just don't know our relationship boy. You're like my baby, my best friends. My handsome boy, Mocha.
